Recreational Whinge: My parents raised me to understand the value of, as well as demonstrate, good manners.  I’m in my forties now and have experienced that everything my parents taught me about manners was worthwhile.

Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I don’t see very many examples of good manners anymore.  Why is that?

Is it that we’ve lost sight of what good manners are?

Do we think we’ll show up as weak if we are polite?

Are we afraid we’re going to get hurt somehow or that we’ll lose a power position if we show respect to another?

I do recognise that in some cases, people just may not have an awareness of what good manners are.

In other cases, it could simply be that someone forgot because they were focused elsewhere.  (This could be the intensity of the situation and an honest oversight…or maybe it could be self-centered or maybe lazy or maybe uncaring…)

Are there really any good reasons to not demonstrate good manners?

Even if you forget “in the moment” for any reason, you can always go back later and use good manners to apologies and amend the situation.  But that takes strength and compassion to do that.

If some people think that by having good manners that they somehow appear weak, well my opinion is that by NOT showing them you’re far weaker than you thought.

The Positive Spin: I get a chance to talk about good manners quite often in the coaching I do.  One of my favourite questions is, “What would the good manners approach to the situation be?”  It’s amazing to see the difference in the person and how they can suddenty highlight alternate approaches to their situation.

It’s a similar question to, “What’s the wise thing to do here?”

Sometimes people just didn’t have an understanding of manners from their upbringing and it’s great to be able to point them to research and/or get them to do their own research on the internet or in books to find out more about good manners and the positive impact they can have.

Here’s a link to a great little e-book on manners:  The Book of Good Manners

I still think the best way of teach other people about good manners is to demonstrate it yourself and prove the benefits through experience.  I sometimes struggled to get the point when I was a kid, so my mum would demonstrate the power of manners herself and then discuss with me if I noticed the impact it had on the other person.

That was the best part of my mum’s teaching for me…getting me to focus on the positive impact for others and use that as my guide for my own choices. 

Do I want other people to feel good, respected, appreciated and well-thought of?  YES! 

Therefore, good manners is something core to me (although I acknowledge I still slip up from time to time and I’m still learning), and as I help others see the positive impact they can have on others through simple gestures, they too become good-manners-focused.